Im on a fire diet!

Ha! I just made that up, "fire diet" - in my definition, its like a "fire sale", which is... aww fuck just look it up on google if you dont know what a fire sale is, lol.

Anyways I helped my good friend Tom a little last week in his choice in buying a car. I went for a test ride with him and when I pulled the seat belt out to buckle myself in, it revealed some damage that had been hidden because the belt was rolled up in the a-pillar.

A few days later, Tom wrote on a forum we both belong to, about a friend who is "larger than normal" who drove in the car with him and because I pulled the seat belt out so far because (implying) that I was so fat, thats how the damage was discovered. Im also assuming its me although when I called him a buttplug for saying that, he said it was another friend...lol.

Ok first off, Tom is a nice guy. Right away though, I was like What the fuck!! I only weigh 205lbs and Im 6' tall. I hold every one of those 200lbs of fat cells VERY well if I may say so myself, when I gain weight its in my ass and thighs NOT my gut or torso. So I know he didnt mean it maliciously, BUT it served as a wake up call - every year Ive been putting on 5lbs or so and when I look at pictures of myself from 5 years ago, the weight gain is obvious. 5 years ago, I weighed 170-175lbs.

So I said fuck it... Im going to make a goal of losing 2-3lbs a week. I joined some stupid website that tracks fat peoples food and exercise and basically makes you feel like shit for being a fatty. Good, I need that I suppose. I also started exercising more, although Im very active... theres always room for improvement.

I eat Subway all of the time, but I always get my sub made on flatbread. Errrrt! Wrong answer. I switched to that honey oat bread which has more fiber than a freakin field of wheat. I also now dont get cookies with my Subway meal, I opt for the baked lays, that taste like ass but no pain no gain right?!?!  Mutha....

I also started substituting 1 meal a day with Slim Fast shakes. They arent that bad, really! The worst part is the cost. This first week I lost 4lbs.

So yeah, I will keep the world updated of how this works out. I want to lose like 25lbs. 

"Hair" we go again....

You wouldnt know it but I actually do care about the way I look to other people. I mean, I always care (im very hygenic!) but what Im trying to say since my hair started falling out around age 25, its driven me fucking crazy...lol. 

I recently went to the ol' doc-tor and had him re-prescribe me propecia. Its the prescription pill that fucks with a guys hormones by interfering with testosterone and for us unlucky saps, lets our hair grow back. I was on it years ago and enjoyed LUSH hair but the side effects hit me like a shitstorm. I stopped and figured I'd let nature take its course. 

Well that was like 4 years ago and now Im older and wiser and still fucking hating going bald...lol. Im also using Rogaine once a day (because I have to be the difficult case - Im allergic to Rogaine). If I use it 1x a day instead of the 2x recommended dose, I usually dont get the side effects from that. 

So yeah, next time you see me my hair should look like this:

Haha except I wont be ugly with big lips and a unibrow like this dude. Im not vain, I swear! 

Windy days

I taught a driving class yesterday, as I do every Saturday.

I got a review from somebody who called me "Dr. Faggot" and a "faggot homo", and stated that during teaching, I use too many examples. Really?

Its obvious this person is from the shittest dirtiest parts south of 8 mile road and has never had to teach anybody ANYTHING their whole life. They are also a close minded fuck.

You know what sucks the most?  I was feeling good all day... had good 'mojo' going. Then after class was dismissed, and I was reviewing my reviews (and Ive never had a bad review - ever!!) it totally stole my cool. I came home and ate junk food. I cant believe I let it get to me. Oh well.. wheres those doritos?

Forever 16

Im not talking about the gorish, bloody video they showed you in drivers education titled "Forever 16". Im talking about my inner teenager and the fact that today myself and my inner teenager must accept the fact that I will be 31.

Yup, thats right. Im presently in the grey area between "fabulous twenties" and "old fuck". Ill be 31 tomorrow and Ive made it perfectly clear to my partner that I do NOT NOT NOT want a birthday party. If anybody pulls any shenigans on me, I will go buy 2000 camels and make them all spit on you. Then, I will make sure a gaggle (that is the scientific term to describe a million or more locusts) of locusts infest your house. You surely do not want to mess with me on this one      :-P

Either way, Im planning on going to a snazzy dinner and playing laser tag after dinner for my birthday. Thats how I want to spend it - my way. In my ripe old age of 31, all that activity is probably going to leave me sore and tired. Ill probably sleep the rest of my birthday...lol.

Im selfish

Thats right. I am selfish. I did not care about you Mister or Miss, I only cared about myself at this moment in time. I proudly proclaim that I did indeed perform a selfish act today. 


I quit my 2nd job. I dont know, Im just sick of working so much. I already work 40/hrs a week and sometimes overtime and/or meetings/conferences on weekends that I dont get compensated for. 


Plus I got a raise this year and a (kind of) promotion at my full time job, so I dont really feel I need to work a 2nd job. I want to have my spare time to myself. To do what I want. Eat, sit around, bike ride, touch myself... whatever may happen in that spare time I WANT IT ALLLL TO MYSELF. 


Although I did feel guilty (hence the selfish feelings also) when I broke the news to a few of my students today. One girl said "Mr Chris! You cant quit. Everybody always talks about you and the funny shit you say." I told the girl that if her ass hurt as bad as mind did from sitting in that stupid drivers ed car for so many hours, she'd understand better....lol. 


Also I came home from work and ate 2 of the Target brand fruit roll up bar thingys. Im not sharing them with anybody, they are E-P-I-C. 

Restless Legs ... and you

I dont personally have restless legs. I dont want them. I seem to hear about them all of the time though.

I have friends who have restless leg syndrome, and one friend who thinks she has it. Its a crazy thing I suppose. I mean what else is so freaking annoying than trying to sleep and being unable to because your legs are "restless". Of course, from what Ive heard, your legs dont necessarily have to be "restless", but they can be in pain, tingly, itchy, burny, and all kinds of funky shiz.

I do wish restless leg syndrome on some people though.... you know who Im talking about too. The people who, when you are in a hurry, are in front of you walking all slow on purpose because they know you are in a rush. I want to walk in front of them real fast, turn around facing them, and wiggle my hands and fingers at them like Im casting a spell and yell "You cant walk!! You are not worthy. Restless legs to you!!" and run away.